Words. We use words to form language and
to communicate. The idea seems simple enough in that it’s a tool to navigate
through life and relationships. When thinking a little more deeply about where
words come from and how the meanings they hold originated, a new appreciation
for them can develop. Take the word sandwich
for example. It is noted that John Montagu, 4th Earl of Sandwich
would slap slices of meat in between two slices of bread while sitting at the
gambling table. Although this may be an interpretation of the actual
circumstances leading up to the naming of a sandwich, it does make for an
interesting story. How we adopt, use and integrate words into our culture is a
fascinating study. How the advancing of technology has created new words for us
to communicate with one another reveals the unending evolution of their usage
(e.g. Lemme Google that).
The origin of:
Sticks
and stones may break my bones
But words will never harm me
is
reported to stem from an English language children’s rhyme. It also has some
reported associations with religious publications as an old adage. When
reflecting on my own childhood, the saying was often lobbed across the blacktop
on the playground to ward off the bullying sort. It is understood that one
intention of the saying is to let someone know that if they impose physical
harm to you it will indeed hurt, but that the slinging of their words will
somehow magically bounce off and reverberate into the universe. When reflecting
on the saying as an adult I think the latter part of this saying could not be
farther from the truth.
Words that are heard as a child from
schoolmates and from the adults in a household can be vexatious and
far-reaching into the depths of psychological health. It is not only the words
that are slung from the mouths of others that matter. It is also their
intention and their subtext, which can permeate into the illusive fibers of our
souls and live with us in our hearts. How those words land on us as children can
set the stage for how we see ourselves as adults. It is one of the quietest
whispers of our inner voices, where currents of sound resonate in our bones. We
may remember any particular segment of verbal abuse as it bubbles up from the
sub-conscious and find in less than-an-instant how it colors our spontaneous
thoughts with attacks on our own sense of worth.
What we do with these
instances of subtle invasions in a mindful way can determine how we process
hurtful words of others. Taking a moment to suspend any associated feelings
of powerlessness, lack of self-worth or urges to become defensive requires
courage. Taking the next moment to invite and focus on the kind words we have
found uttered from the mouths of others can work as a salve to emotional pain
as we walk forward in our own footsteps. Life can happen fast and words can fly
from our mouths instantaneously. Taking a moment to choose our words can make a
difference in the ripples that move the world.
I agree 100% Jane Doe, I have recently thought about that old saying as well and how completely untrue it is. A therapist I am mentoring under describes verbal abuse and its daily grinding effect as worse then physical abuse in that the individual often has a harder time in understanding for example why they have such rage toward a parent given they never beat them physically. It seems easier I suppose to minimize the impact of abuse from words. Your advice in regards to carefully choosing our words therefore our vibration that we send out into the universe is so true. I feel taking that moment to recognize the feelings you may be having in a given situation and where those feelings stem from before responding is crucial. If I could only go back, there are numerous instances where I personally would have chosen other words to express myself. However in that situation where you get defensive and perhaps verbalize not so well I feel it is equally important to learn forgiveness for yourself other wise it just seems to perpetuate the cycle of inner abuse which wides up as eventual attack on another human when you are done beating your own self up.
ReplyDeleteI hadn't thought about this in a long time! I remember being told this as a child, and now that I have a child of my own, I can't imagine ever repeating this advise. Already at a young age my child let's me know how hurtful other children's comments are. I think there is definite truth to the idea that verbal abuse is difficult to identify in some cases, particularly for clients, and easier to excuse or explain. However it is also difficult to escape, even after someone leaves the abusive situation or relationship. Our minds have a way of saving 'tapes' which we can play back to ourselves when ever we choose, and therefore end up self-inflicting negative messages over and over.
ReplyDeleteI always enjoy reading your blogs- you should have our own insightful column in a newspaper. I was listening to a radio talk show about bullying and I reflected on my own childhood. It seemed I could not remember bullying anyone and don't remember being bullied. I did however, slap the neighbor across the face for stealing my stickers and chased a boy for pushing me down making me drop my new scholastic books, I kicked him when I caught up to him. I guess I reacted out of emotion, I am not proud of this nor did I get in trouble, I guess it was just my way of expressing "feelings" of I will not be messed with lol.
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